Archive for the ‘Crossfit fashion’ Category

We were sitting around the other day after a particularly tough WOD, talking about food. Seems if we’re not talking about lifting or supplements or competitions, we’re talking about food.

And you can’t have a conversation about food without the topic of BACON coming up. Usually, it’s about how much bacon someone has consumed or some weird new pairing of bacon with another food: Bacon cookies, bacon cupcakes, bacon encrusted salmon.bacon-suit

After awhile, bacon discussions get kind of old. I mean really, it’s just a slice of pork in a vacuum-sealed plastic pouch. It’s not like a standing rib-road or brisket. I don’t even understand why bacon is so special to CrossFitters. How did the whole bacon obsession get started?

But this bacon conversation we were having while I was splayed out on the floor in a puddle of sweat did an abrupt about face when Matt, my coach, asked a question I had never heard before during a bacon conversation:

“Is there anything that wouldn’t taste better with bacon?” Matt asked.

We all went silent and you could see wheels spinning in everyone’s head.

“What would not taste better with bacon?” Matt asked. “I would eat ice cream with bacon.” We all agreed, bacon and ice cream sounded pretty damn good. It’s got that whole sweet and salty thang going on.

Bacon and yogurt? That would work. They put yogurt on the sliced lamb in a gyro, right? Bacon and apple pie? Oh man, that would be delicious. Bacon bits and M&Ms? I would eat that. Slices of watermelon wrapped in bacon? I’m drooling. What about bacon wrapped around a Twizzler. I would inhale that.

We could not come up with any food that would not taste better with bacon.BaconLady

Then one of the members who owns a really nice restaurant walked in and sat down on the rower. Matt walked up to him and popped the question: “Can you think of any food that wouldn’t taste better with bacon?”  The guy stopped rowing. You could see the little wheels turning in his head.

He started to say desserts but then he stopped himself. Who doesn’t love sweet and salty?

This debate went on for awhile but every time someone suggested a food, someone chimed in “I would eat that,” and we all nodded. Indeed, we would eat that, too.

Matt came very close to ending the debate when he said “toothpaste” but then the restaurant owner reminded him that you don’t eat toothpaste – at least you’re not supposed to, Matt.

I finally left. I had to go feed my dog, Dog, who happens to gets a slice of diced turkey bacon with every meal.

Lucky Dog.

It’s been a few days now and I haven’t come up with any food that would taste yucky with bacon. As with all things CrossFit, I’m spending way too much time thinking about bacon.

Please, help me out. Is there any food that would not taste better with bacon?

Today’s Crossfit conundrum: What to do when your bottom half gets smaller and your top have gets larger?

Basically, the bottom half of me is a size 6 and the top half is now a size 10 – maybe more. It’s my shoulders.

I have always had what people who don’t want to hurt your feelings call “broad shoulders.” I swam butterfly competitively for 10+ years and ended up with butterfly shoulders. I’m also what they call “busty” so I have that going for me, too.

shoulder-pads-strip

Were the 80s ridiculous or what?

It wasn’t such a bad thing when shoulder pads became the rage in the 1980s because I already had shoulder pads. I actually had to rip out the shoulder pads when I bought tops and jackets back then otherwise I looked like a cartoon character or a white, blonde Grace Jones.

I ran into a high school classmate five years ago and he looked at me and said, “You’ve still got those shoulders.” I’m not sure that was a compliment but I decided keep my mouth shut and not say anything about his lack of hair.

Anyway, my coach, Matt, has had me doing LOTS of shoulder work and it shows. My shoulders are getting so big that the blouses I wear to work no longer fit. Skirts and pants fit fine but it’s the blouses that have me worried. I could blow out a shoulder seam sneezing.

I’m thinking of going to knits, since I don’t know how much larger my shoulders are going to get. Plus, you don’t have to iron knit blouses.  Extra bonus points!

The upside of big shoulders is that I’m getting pretty comfortable doing overhead lifts with 75#. I also suspect that no mugger in his right mind would try to mess with a middle-aged women with my shoulders.

Silly mugger.

After last Sunday’s embarrassing performance at the RAID 4 Games – especially those 75# snatches – I needed something to lift my spirits. I got it yesterday.

A two-mile run for time in the blazing South Florida midday sun: 16:03. Thank GOD I’m still good at something – running. Too bad Crossfit competitions don’t have more running and less snatching.

I took a couple of days off after RAID and eased back into it on Wednesday. While doing a ladder of back squats at progressively heavier weights, I felt a sharp pain on the left side of my back while coming out of a 125# squat – heavy, but not exactly a PR.

I was so ticked off that I walked it off, put my belt back on and tried again with 95#. Again, sharp pain that made me yelp. Never should have tried it again. Don’t know what I was thinking. I was just frustrated and still stinging from RAID. I figured I was going to be out for awhile with a back injury.

Weird thing was, the next morning my back actually felt better. For the last couple of months the lower left side of my back had been extremely tight. I stretched and stretched and stretched but I could not seem to get out this strange, deep knot.

It felt like it just needed a good crack and everything would again flow. Crazy as it sounds, I think that back squat did the trick and opened it up.

Something similar happened about 10 years ago. I was walking my dog, a big, manic Weimaraner, and was not paying attention when she suddenly bolted after a squirrel. My neck snapped, I heard a crack and the next morning it hurt like hell. Weimaraner whiplash.

I went to the chiropractor and did all the exercises and stretches I was told to do but still, it hurt. About a year later I went skiing. I raced on the high school ski team and sometimes I forget that I graduated in 1977 – in the last millennium!

I was skiing way to fast and fell. CRACK. My neck snapped. Visions of me in a neck brace filled my head. Oddly, though, my neck felt much looser. I got up the next morning expecting to be in pain and unable to ski. Instead, my head was as loose as a bobble head. It felt sore, but great!

I don’t advise being your own chiropractor. Yes, it’s cheaper and you can do it at the convenience of your own box or ski slope, but I could have been hurt very badly.

I tried a few front squats on Thursday after 30 minutes of hip and back stretching. Viola! No pain and a very deep squat. I am staying away from the heavy weights for awhile. My coach wants to work on strengthening my obliques and core. Still, the unhinging of my back coupled with a 16:03 two-mile run in the hot sun and I’m feeling much better – at least in my head.

 

There’s something to be said for finishing in damn near last place.

Something such as “F#@K” or “Let’s go eat some gluten-free pizza with bacon on top.”

I said both.

Had there been a 50+ division I would have taken second – out of three. But, it was a 45+ division and I took 8th out of nine. I beat the 60-year-old lady, Lynn Johnson, who finished 25th in the world open in the 60+ division. Look for her next year at the games. That girl is going places.

The important thing is that we had 13 ladies over 40 competing in the Master’s division. Of those, 9 were over 45. Three were over 50.

Ditto for the men: Of the 15 men competing in the masters division, 9 were 45+. That’s 60 percent. Of the nine in the 45+ division, three were over 50.  (Shout out to Ira Spector, who just started Crossfit in December and blasted through the snatches)

Which just goes to show that if race organizers would masters divisions that recognize a 40-year-old and 60-year-old should not be lumped into one masters division – WE WILL COMPETE!!!

RAID 4 showed immense progress in the battle of the ages. It is the first regional competition I am aware of that had two masters divisions: 40-44 and 45+. Seventy percent of the masters women were over 45!!!!

Let’s keep the momentum going. Now we need a 50+ division – or scale the weights for the 50+ athletes.

Anyway, I got my ass kicked by a bunch of really great ladies – most in their middle 40’s. The exception is my friend Mary Hallman, who will be 54 in a few weeks. Mary is not only a beast but has a great laugh and is the kind of competitor who will cheer on her competition. Love that about Mary.

I learned a few very important lessons competing in RAID 4 this weekend:

1. Do not do 6 hours of cutting hedges, mowing the lawn and weed whapping the day before a competition.

2. Listen to your coach, especially when he’s giving you good advice while you’re in the middle of a WOD. He knows what he’s talking about.

3. There is a good reason why Crossfit boxes do not have mirrors. (See picture)Nasty photo

4. Losing is valuable. It shows you exactly what you need to work on.

5. Do not be a sore loser. No one likes a whiny, self-absorbed, self-flagellating Crossfitter. Man up. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Take your loss on the chin and then go out to dinner with your buds from the box and eat gluten-free pizza with bacon on top. Crossfit is about working hard AND playing hard.

Remember, your are a masters Crossfit athlete and even when you finish second-to-last, you have still accomplished what only a tiny fraction of people our age can do.

Now, where did I put that ibuprofen?

So, the other day I’m teaching spin class at the box and I look down and I’m like, “Whoa, whose legs are those!”

I was sprinting and the skin on my thighs looked like it came off Yoda’s forehead. Nasty. Which brings me to fashion. Many of us older athletes still have very good shapes.

Yoda: Beyond botox

Yoda: Beyond botox

In other words, we look pretty good fully clothed. However, you put that shapely figure in some Lycra and we’ve all got a problem. Sure, those Lycra shorts fit you fine and  from a quarter mile away you might actually look like a 30-something-year-old. But something isn’t right.

It’s the skin.

Years of life-guarding, running, biking, swimming, skiing and using baby oil and iodine as sunscreen has left me covered with senior freckles (age spots), wrinkles and skin so thin that it looks like flesh colored crepe paper. Nobody wants to see skin like that. I don’t even want to see skin like that.

Gravity, too, has taken a toll on other body parts. Ain’t all the overhead plate lunges on the planet going to restore my derrier to its rightful place in the universe. I have no problem with my gray hair because I have no gray hair, thanks to my friends at L’Oreal. But there is no getting out of my own skin.

I wear long tights in the cooler months. But I live in south Florida and our box has no air conditioning. In the summer, it gets hot. We’re talking Bikram Crossfit hot. I know better than to take off my shirt and walk around like the young gals with just a sports bra and shorts. But it’s too hot for tights and sleeves in the summer.

I don’t want to skeeve people out but I also don’t want to pass out from heat exhaustion. My shorts and sleeveless tees are fine with me. But I ask you, dear reader, should we be covering it up?

I swam competitively as a kid and I loved going to meets. You swim an event, then you goof off with your teammates for an hour or until your next event. Your friends and family show up to cheer everyone on. You swim your last event, go out and stuff your face and go home and sleep like a baby.

Forty-plus years later CFCP Peeps I’m doing the same thing when I go to a Crossfit competition. Maybe that’s why I like competing so much.

Yesterday was Clash of the Fittest – a 4-member team throw-down. I didn’t know my other three teammates. They were from another box and I was just a substitute for a masters woman who couldn’t make it.

Wonderful folks and we kicked ass. We didn’t podium but I had a blast.

My box, Crossfit Cityplace had two teams – 8 athletes besides myself – and a small, mostly sober army of supporters. Unlike 40-plus years ago, when you licked your finger in stuck it in a box of jello for extra energy, we now use all kinds of weird powders, gels and ritualistic meals before competing.

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Where do I begin? Seriously, is there any better workout get-up for guys than a kilt?

Every sport has its uniforms and gear. Some of it is best left worn to the pros, such as Speedos. But Crossfit is a mashup of fashion train wrecks. I’m thinking argyle knee-highs and Converse high-tops. kilt Tats and Hello Kitty wrist wraps (I have both). And how about all those double-entendres about snatches and jerks on t-shirts? Pretty clever, huh? NOT!

So, when The Crossfit Games posted this pic on its Facebook page today and I started breathing again, I unilaterally decided upon The Kilt as the official Crossfit uniform for guys.

They look like they’re comfortable – and functional. Mel Gibson sure did a lot in his. Okay, maybe they wouldn’t work so well for hand-stand push-ups and rope climbs but overall – the kilt is da bomb.

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